In an effort to avoid the narcissistic supply chains that my enemies have laid out for me I am now making a conscious and deliberated effort to focus on positive things. I have always thought that being a sincere person is one of the most important virtues and so being truthful has naturally been a huge motivator in my writing. But I realize that I cannot continue to reap and destroy in the guise of “honesty”. If honesty is a virtue it must serve a positive purpose. I have no idea what to do with the all rage that has filled my heart but I know now that I cannot continue dwelling on wrath alone. I don’t want to lose anything else. The passing of Keith Flint has marked a break down and turning point in my psychology. I have already lost a Cousin this past week so things have already been incredibly difficult and this birthday will certainly my worst ever. But whatever the case I have to get clear of Ron Howard’s narcissistic supply (his machinations) and somehow reclaim the person I intended to be. Someway, Somehow. In my opinion most of what characterizes paranoid psychosis is the direct result of the feeling of futility, a suffocating hopelessness that one will never be rid of ones abuser or their program. Its a horror show but I have to focus on the positive. And so given that today is Women’s day I thought it would only be appropriate to write up post celebrating the feminine magic which I am eternally grateful for.
I already have a shrine dedicated to what/whom I consider my “fairy G-dmother” (along with a few other women who have inspired me). The shrine is dedicated to Audrey Hepburn’s iconic portrayal of the ‘Scarlet Lady’ from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. This is my second favorite picture of Audrey and I chose it because it reminds me of “living the dream”. In the photo Holly is peering into Tiffany’s from the street and so it implies that the viewer is within the “Tiffany’s realm” which according to Holly is ‘the place where things go together’. I have never been one to worship celebrities but this photo has a magickal quality about it in that it somehow reverses the idolatry that looking at Audrey might entail. In the picture Holly is looking in admiring what’s behind the glass and so seeing her image reminds me that I am already right where I am supposed to be, that I already have everything I need to do G-d’s work. It’s a funny feeling of completion. I am not sure if my writing can do that feeling justice but maybe it’s not something that needs to be fully explained. Audrey was a very exceptional person and is absolutely one of my role models despite our different gender roles. She was a humanitarian who never took anything for granted and undeniably made the world a brighter and happier place to be in. She was also a wonderful dancer and a dedicated mother. Her career showcases a time when the film industry was still believable in spite of all of its vanity, a time where the intrigue of the American Dream was still fresh and seemed a reasonable possibility. It takes one back. Breakfast at Tiffany’s as both a book and a screenplay has enriched my life beyond words and I am sincerely grateful for it.
My Shrine normally has pictures of my nieces and nephew but I set those aside out of respect for their privacy. Most of what’s on the alter is self-explanatory. The horse is in honor of Sharon Tate because I have yet to choose a picture of her, as is the horse-shoe along with the horse-shoe nails. The Tarot card is in honor of Ma’at; the Kemetic Neter who embodies truth, balance and impartiality. The tiny picture of Belle from Beauty and the Beast is because I believe in fairy tales and because I myself am also a very beastly person. The center is an Eagle plume given to me by my beloved Isis ♥. Opposite to that is a tiny clipping of Amy Winehouse whom I regard as the incarnation of Mary Magdalene. The Oil to the back left is what I use to keep my sword in working order. Motor oil may seem like a strange thing to keep on an alter but in spite of my environmentalist leanings I regard Oil and petroleum products as an integral part of modern life (I am not against Oil; I just believe our Mother Earth must be properly protected from our using it.) To the left of that is an oyster shell with a Feline “Lunka” (matted fur) in it. The Southern Cross I regard to be the Blood/Crip banner. The Onyx orb was a gift from a couple of dear friends as was the singing bowl. The large Iron
“ring” is because I love and revere elemental Iron and the Blood Kercheif spread across the shelf is obviously an allusion to the “Mean reds” Holly describes in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
This is the only shrine I have going at this time but I also plan on making one to honor Sylvia Plath and I also plan on choosing an appropriate picture of Sharon Tate and Carol Wayne as per the Unicorn theme. In time I would like to dedicate an entire wall of memorabilia pertaining to my guides.
I also keep a framed picture of the Kemetic Neter Nut (Nuit, Newt, Nunut, Nenet, Naunet, Nwt) which was a gift from my mummy. Nut is the feminine embodiment of the night sky and is often depicted as a star covered woman arching over the world to protect it. My interpretation of her differs slightly from that of common and authoritative sources in that I do not think of her as a Goddess per se but rather as a mythical embodiment of ideals and concepts that converge into a constellation to form an archetype. This is what a Neter actually is. Nut is my reason for not being afraid of the dark. To me darkness holds a calming and renewing quality and offers us a space to unwind and relax one’s mind. Space is actually what supports everything and so it makes sense in that Ancient Kemites saw her as complementary to the material and earthly realm. Her brother (and husband) Geb was the Neter of Earth; or more specifically the foundation of the material realm. In this sense she is everywhere and nowhere like an open secret; an undefinable mystery surrounding us all. I would never want to be blind and I treasure my ability to see and love to look at the beauties and intricacies of our world but it’s often over looked that the darkness and the absence of visual imagery helps us look inside ourselves. I would give up sleep before I would ever give up the safety and serenity of darkness.
One might gather that because of this shrine I somehow worship Audrey or Sharon or Sylvia; which is not the case. I am absolutely a monotheist and I do not worship anyone or anything mortal. I believe in the divine concept of the incorporeal ‘Ik Onkar’ and like other Sikh’s I may sometimes refer to that as ‘Lord’ or the Lords will; however the central reason why I choose to embrace Ik Onkar is because I refuse to abdicate the feminine tendency from my methods of worship. I still revere the Bible as the word of G-d but I am also grateful for the Quran, The Bhagavad Gita, The Lord of the Rings, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and even Sylvia Plath’s poetry and Celia Green’s philosophy. As a heterosexual male, women constitute as massive part of my reason for being. I am incredibly shy and my conversation skills are also lacking so I probably don’t approach them nearly as much as they deserve but I am also inclined to believe that women are often uninterested in male attention in most public circumstances anyhow which further adds to my loneliness. I have never been one to go where I am not appreciated so I just keep my distance and try to be quietly respectful.
Further, I should also like to mention our matriarch Queen Elizabeth II. One of the things that make me grateful for living in Canada is its connection to the British common wealth and specifically it’s Monarchy. Canada is still a very young country and one of the main sources of our stability is surely the influence of the British Empire. I know I have already written about the “Flood” race but that is more of a literary device and effort to level the playing field against racism and discrimination. Some have probably already labeled me as an extremist but I certainly don’t think myself as one. It’s true that I am frustrated by the current politics even still; every time I look at the Untied States I breathe a sigh of relief that our Canadian founding fathers were not so impudent to divorce ourselves from Royal tradition. Anyone who has read more than one of my posts may be surprised at this and even I admit that I probably have the appearance of a very unorthodox person but Maatism dictates that we abide by tradition at least nine times out of ten. Sometimes it’s necessary to break the mold but only after every other option has failed. The Monarchy represents everything that is good and stable about European culture and in addition to this our Matriach also legitimizes womankind in the western world. Even now after all our efforts to accommodate gender equality there are still misogynists who believe women to be secondary to men. Queen Elizabeth’s royal authority defies that ignorance. ‘Woman-haters’ can say whatever they want but they can’t take her face off the coin. Her mere image brings about a calming and subtle elegance and it’s often over looked that the Queen Elizabeth is also an incredibly wise woman and Canada and the world would certainly be worse off without her.
I am grateful so, so, so grateful for womankind. At the risk of sounding like a pervert I must admit that I am also grateful for respectful and classy woman-only boudoir. Given that I am a hetero-demisexual who is also an “incel”, (who never gets any action) I am grateful there are women who are willing to treat us with a look at their beautiful and awe inspiring curves. I like all women of all shapes and sizes; skinny ones, chubby ones, fat ones, hairy ones, mature ones especially so, because I can feel good about looking at them, -they are like the ripe fruit of the tree. http://www.uniquesexygirls.com is my favorite dedicated website for that and it’s practically a Noah’s ark of feminine diversity! It’s pretty amazing and I hope for mankind’s sake that something like that is always around. I probably lust after women too much for my own good and when I do finally get married I plan on being a dedicated husband and I know this demands that I stop being a pervy man child. For the right woman this actually wouldn’t be difficult at all because porn is as lonely as it is delightful. Porn is a reflection of immaturity even still I can’t help but be grateful.
It’s probably a terrible thing to write an article in honor of women and end up talking about porn especially having brought up the Queen but I thought it should be honest and well-rounded article from my own male perspective. I fully realize that porn can often be a source of degradation from ungrateful men and there are absolutely women who enable this and perpetuate the negative. It is unquestionably a vice and I am not trying to make it more than what it is, I am only stressing that I would certainly be a desperate and neurotic fool if I didn’t have some outlet for my desires and I am actually sort of proud about the type of women I like. One of my personal favorites would surely be described as an “Ogress” by conventional (human) standards but the Bible says I am a beastly person anyhow so I openly embrace this as verification that there is something for everyone.
I have already wrote about this in a previous article; that the most central of my fears is waking up to a world without women and so it’s difficult for me to see the value of drag culture in LGBT. I am absolutely grateful for the freedoms our modern civilization affords us; each to their own but for my part nothing compares to real women. What’s more is that these men are often histrionic-narcissists who are only trying to twist up the heterosexual persuasion. Real women are characterized by their emotional presence and nurturing nature and so seeing someone who is obviously counterfeiting femininity with that characteristic male-competitive streak is off putting to say the least. Shock and reaction is part of their game and it’s gotten really old. I don’t think I ever truly understood the term “easy on the eyes” until this recent flare up of drag culture in media. I am sure I sound like an asshole but even the sight of a “drag-queen” involuntarily contorts and twists my face into what is certain to be an ugly, crumpled and dumb-founded expression. In comparison seeing someone who is genuinely beautiful like Lana Del Rey sing is like a breath of fresh mountain air. It’s like my mind can relax knowing that she isn’t trying to twist me up for some ill-conceived political agenda. There is no ulterior motive; just honest, feminine, artistic expression. Also her poetry is really awesome. I am sooo looking forward to her new book coming out.
I still live with my mother and even though some might think I am a loser for that I am grateful because I have a good relationship with her. I love women and wouldn’t want to continue living without them.
Yay for Women’s day!