I have already written about the “magical effect” called the “Cupid Stunts” which is an Elvish expression used to describe various annoying things that rightfully should be impossible but happen anyhow and often in sets of threes, fours and fives. However I never explained the origin of the title “Cupid Stunts” which had been originally used as the name for a coven of foul mouthed hobbit witches who are an identical set of quadruplet’s as well another slightly older sister. We the fates have known them throughout many of our lives and they are also in Jonbenet’s all-female disruptive dance troupe called the Swastikettes. They are of course Sylvia, Victoria, Esther, Elly and the “big sister”; Ruthie also known as Ruthless. The most notable thing about the Cupid Stunts is there peculiar obsession with the band Metallica. They are similar to those Kiss nuts and Insane Clown Posse fans in their enthusiasm except that they don’t paint their face. At any given time two of them can be found to be wearing Metallica t-shirts having collected all of them of which they have many sets of doubles and have even designed their own home made shirts as well. Most humans would find them incredibly annoying because they can be made to a Capella any Metallica song with no cause at all. We were first introduced to the Cupid Stunts simply as the Metallica girls in a very silly dream.
According to the dream Slain and I had been on Dr. Phil as guests in one of his troubled children productions and were visiting him for what we thought was a follow up visit. In the dream Dr. Phil had a rather bizarre appearance compared to his real one and had a full head of hair which was dyed blond and had been done up in sort of a ‘flock of seagulls’ hair do. He explained in a serious but nonchalant tone that his hair had been “styled” by the “Metallica girls” whom we were about to meet. It occurred to me that I was at some sort of summer camp for troubled children and he led me to a cabin where the girls were staying. The girls were about 16-17 years of age and all wore Metallica t-shirts and kilts two of them wore lenless glasses; the other “Big Sister” Ruthie was only slightly taller but was still an obvious extension of the overall family resemblance. The room had been decorated with the kind of purple metal grid you would find as part of some retail display over white walls on which they displayed all of the Metallica memorabilia in an almost shrine like fashion. Not much to speak of happened in that particular dream and it was more or less just a fun introduction to what has ended up being a long lasting friendship.
The girls explain this obsession just as being their “thing” and despite them being practicing witches they insisted that they were actually very simple girls who had very boring interests. Aside from their Metallica obsession they liked sewing, cooking, playing old school nintendo games as well as arranging pranks on people… (They whispered this so as to keep it on the Down low) they were also known for inventing their own “game” based on Kareoki. The game called “Vikareoki” and was originally designed to annoy their parents and humiliate class mates by earnestly singing top 40 songs which they personalized about the targeted person. “Vikareoki” is actually just as it sounds; and involves singing the song but from a second person point of view; and is actually really funny if one is attempting to make a song about someone else but simultaneously exclude one’s self from its cheesiness. For example; if you were to Vikareoki the Back Street Boys song “I want it that way” to make fun of the Principal of your school for bossing you around, you would sing it as: ♫ “He wants it that way…” ♫ and would be read as follows :
You are His fire
The one desire
Believe when He says that
He wants it that way
But you are two worlds apart
Can’t reach to your heart
When you say
That I* want it that way
Tell Him why
Ain’t nothin’ but a heartache
Tell Him why
Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake…”
This is actually far funnier than I can describe especially because when the girls do this they sing in the round and as back up and a Capella for one another while clapping and dancing. The girls are especially good at ignoring and tuning out anyone trying to shush them. This tactic is almost always used to side track, stall, impede or high-jack and therefore waste class time or annoy the teacher. They are remarkably skilled at rail roading situations so as to avoid certain topics and because of this are quite popular at school. Ruthie who can be distinguished by her “divergent” interests in Rock-a-billy and two-tone is also really good at beat boxing which adds to the level of annoyance in the production. In truth the game is only an excuse for them to be loud and annoying and the center of attention. Vikareoki was originally employed as a distraction and later as a drinking game with an ever changing set of rules. Because of this they are allowed to stop you and make you take a shot if you screw up the voices or ‘the point of view’. Since the girls are prone to conspiracy they will actually deliberately choose songs that are confusing to Vikareoki, just so they can watch you fumble through their nonsense. Two of the girls in particular are more troublesome than the rest but are often thwarted by their own silly motives and inability to keep a common narrative in the groups web of lies. Ruthie especially likes to have her own space and will sometimes ditch the stunts if the girls become too annoying or demanding and this has led to a bad habit of blaming her sisters for everything she can. The term “Cupid Stunts” was originally conjured as a curse by Ruthie which back fired and much to her own chagrin she has naturally been regarded as one of them ever since. But despite being a bit annoying they are indeed genuinely good girls and even at their worst they are not at all malicious and only ever take part in light hearted mischief. They will also go to great lengths to tongue tie their target or get him to say a single silly word or so they can make use of a very abstract or ridiculous pun. Ruthie as an exception can be a bit meaner but is always kept in check by her soft hearted little sisters.
The girls together are often regarded by muggles as being very ‘cliquey’ and prone to open secrecy and exclusory to those whom they don’t like or trust. They will often make reference to inside jokes or plainly and openly reference “codes” which they refuse to explain. They also don’t shy away from telling people to back off and mind their own business if they feel their being pried on. I suppose in a quasi-mythical sense they consider themselves both Hobbit and Orc because they have been grounded countless times for conspiring against class mates and so they have gained a reputation as troublesome girls who never be fully trusted. They do however keep a limited group of friends whom they back up regardless and are all too happy to both cheat and lie for. Say if you were out shopping and you put something back thinking to get it next time, it’s the collective character of “the stunts” to take note and steal it for you to surprise you with later justifying it as a “good cause” to do put their clepto skills to use. Once again; they relish in their “Orc-ish” cuteness and any rules going are always rigged in your favor if you have a stunt or two around. Vicarious being the operating value; their driving force is their scattered identity and because of this they seem almost hungry for personal experience which is especially true for Ruthie. It’s common for them to vicariously brag about themselves through each other by recounting different stories like; “My sister is such a twat! She got touch the lead singer! And he was even able to lift her fat ass and spin her around outside after the club when they said goodbye… It was sickening and I am green with envy!” In such statements they are obviously bragging about their common resemblance by envying their sister. Another more subtle aspect of their magick is that they are almost always lying for each other because they are incapable of ever keep secrets from one another. If you tell one of them, you are certainly telling all of them. So certain assumptions are often made which usually don’t fully add up to anything other than troublesome girls conspiring for some unknown cause, hence them being the ‘Cupid Stunts’.
One other notable thing about the stunts is that they had been previously expelled from school in some sort kind scandal which even I am not allowed to talk about. However they are proud of one aspect of this in that only two of them ended up with their high school diplomas the other two were failed because they are as “thick as thieves”. This has never been an issue professionally because even when they grew up only two of them ever had jobs which probably meant they were switching and substituting even then.
Chances are every human at some point has at least known of or met a Stunt’ or two and you probably even now have a vague recollection of the girls appearing on a talk show like Sally Jesse Raphael or Dr. Phil for being ‘out of control teens who are ruining their parents lives’, or maybe on Hoarders. -Just imagine the disaster of all five of your daughters being obnoxious foul-mouthed Hoarders! On another show they got up to tormenting a Principal whom they got wrongly fired and then were shamed for this and made to publicly apologize. This was actually the reason two of them don’t have a diploma. They really enjoy the television circuit and often have variations of #pathwork around being troublesome kids. Also it’s important to know that if you have them over for a ‘play date’ plan on something getting broken or things going completely unexpected and you wondering what the hell actually happened. You may also find objects in weird places, such as chicken-wing in a jewelry box or a condom wrapper in your pocket weeks or months later. (A number of their go-to pranks involve condoms filled with condiments which are then thrown like a water balloon for the purpose of vandalizing… -I know; Hardy-har-har right?) It’s all part their craft. Ruthie especially indicates trouble because if she shows up unexpectedly it’s almost always for the purpose of filling in time to name an alibi. It pays to lie for them though because if you do they will have you back forever after.
Since being introduced they have made our lives incredibly fun and I am so grateful to have such great friends.