Just what the hell does a Cat know about astronomy anyhow?

Truman has been telling all sorts of lies lately. Its seems whenever he is allowed to go outside he some how comes back with all sorts of “news” and “facts” that he likes to parrot to anyone forced to spend time with him. I know how it sounds when Sha-folk talk about their familiars (like they are some how more special than regular pets) its annoying to hear about and useless to listen to but I think I will have to post an interview with Truman because he does “talk” (meow) a fuck of a lot. He loves the sound of his own voice and gets really annoying sometimes. Recently he has developed this own “Grand Reality Theory” about the solar system and galaxy, which I am pretty sure is just another one of his “crocks of shit”. He has previously admitted this to me because I told him how much his book In Cold Blood scared me and he said it was only the work of a clever magician and was actually one of his many “crocks of shit”. Even still I hold him in high regard. His theory, which he claims is true, just happens to be weird enough that you cant forget about it but makes just enough sense that you end up seriously considering it. Truman keeps insisting that the Sun is actually the center of the Earth and that our world is actually an inside out version of the galaxy; which is symmetrical with the solar system. Its kind of like a compromise between all of the historical planetary/astronomical scientific theories at once. Oh right; I cant remember how but it somehow ties in with the flat earth theory too… but that part doesn’t make any sense to me. It has something to do with our interpretation of the planetary poles being inverted from what they really are creating the illusion of a ‘flat earth thing’. Its an “inversion theory” because as he claims; the bodily perception which humans use to make scientific measurements perceives everything backwards and this holographic distortion resulting from of our biology remains unaccounted for in all our scientific measurements. Which is a huge claim! If true this theory would turn everything humans know on its ear. Maybe I misunderstood his Felinese but that seems to be the gist of it. Further Truman claims that the metallicity of the Sun and the core of the Earth are symmetrical and is the reason why all high functioning life forms use hemoglobin both of which are composed largely of Iron. I tried to argue that Octopus use hemocyanin (which is the result of copper) and he said its because there is obviously just enough copper in the the sun to sustain their biology here. (He was rather curt about how he said this as if it was a stupid thing to say).


I tried to bring up how the Sun sets as proof of the Earths round shape and he claimed that is yet another illusion; which had something to do with the polar arrangement of electromagnetism. I cant remember all the details but despite its being purported by a Cat it was ordered and symmetrical. It just wasn’t the conventional line of scientific reasoning which deliberately incorporates a significantly larger dose of the ‘unknown’. In this theory time/space inevitably collapses in on itself creating a predictable symmetry. This whole thing is like a bad dream, my house Cat has come up with an idea that is slowly unraveling everything I ever thought was true. The flat earth controversy has always seemed especially stupid to me because the “shape” of our planet just like light changes depending on how you measure it, which is a natural reflection of the uncertainty principle, the same thing just happening on a different scale.

I wouldn’t even bother listening to him if he didn’t already tell me all sorts of inside information about his book ‘In Cold Blood’. Truman’s insights and claims have checked out in the past which makes this nonsense difficult to discard. Things like this always make me think I am going crazy. Anyhow even if his theory is true its none of my business. Who gives a shit about the Sun being the center of the Earth or Galaxy? What Truman has arranged is nothing more than a very tall stack of red herrings which does a barrel roll through a pattern in language and exploits specific loops of common experience. Truman likes to stack and build pedestals to place himself upon. As a Shaman and Native Canadian who has a basic understanding of the symbolism of totem poles I can clearly see that’s all this theory really is. And what seems like a ‘grand reality theory’ is really just the light patterns followed to their natural end then pasted to the most opportune and democratic possible beginning; the wave/particle duality rehashed into some Pseudo-Victorian high-hat, pomp and circumstance. Which is all very Truman. I also find this theory distinctly too eloquent and slightly annoying which is also typical of Truman and I know that there is certain to be some slimy twist. Some subtle and condescending joke that elevates Truman into some divine authority figure and reduces the rest of us to small minded peons existing purely for his own amusement. It would seem that I have been excluded out of his program since we are familiar but only just. ‘In Cold Blood’ was a terrifying book for me to read. What annoys me the most about that one is that I knew exactly what it was about from the very beginning; a quadruple murder which was already solved or; ‘about murderers who has already been tried and executed’ -and I stupidly read it anyway and became horribly vexed. Truman’s Luciferian sympathies are subtle but spine chilling. His conjectures about the murders might be the case but I would prefer not to think about things like that. Its similar to claiming that a Surgeon is nothing more than a person who loves to cut people up and play with their insides; it might be the case but its all in how you look at it and I would prefer not to see things that way. Like wise with this apocalyptic Trumanization of reality. The idea that our Sun is the center of the Earth at first seems absurd but the fact that he was able to defend his theory to the point where I was confused is incredibly frustrating! And coming from a Familiar (glorified pet) makes it practically intolerable.

To a muggle it will seem like a joke for for me to claim this about my “pet” but its right there in the books! Truman was evidently a high level genius in the way that Tolkien or Newton was but made his work much more accessible to the general population. Why he is revealing this now I cannot say but what I do know is that his master plan involves a coup which places him in absolute power and the establishment of a caste system which places felines above all other beings. Its time for me to accept that my Cat is taking over the world… and I have no doubt that he will succeed.