I have been working a side job painting one of the Lethbridge’s many ghost tunnels and after having been hit with a number of “Cupids Stunts” I have decided to retire from the trade of painting. For those who dont know a Cupid Stunt is just how it sounds; an unbelievable occurrence which should rightfully be impossible but happens anyway and most often at your inconvenience or something which could best be described as an annoying sort of miracle. A ‘cupid stunt’ is like a perfect storm in that a number of factors happen just the right way for the physical laws of the universe to grind to a halt and with in this tiny silhouette of causality things happen backwards if at all and most often in baffling ways. A ‘Cupid Stunt’ will often have you looking for a hidden camera thinking that someone is covertly messing with you for their own twisted sense of amusement only when you find that there is no camera you realize that such occurrence is indeed an “act of G-d” and you become a “believer” by default though not actually through faith. Its a weird sort of realization which thankfully leaves more baffled than annoyed or set back.
Most people forget about ‘Cupid Stunts’ because they are most often very intricate and difficult to describe if you weren’t actually there. ‘Cupid Stunts’ usually occur at specific nodes of complexity and require an inside out view to even be recognized and so most often these occurrences are left out of language. ‘Cupid Stunts’ often occur in three’s and are usually disguised in a triangulation of causes. In the first place my Skeletool “Zelda” went missing on this job site. Which is unprecedented. I only lost my knife once before and found it in my bed the next day. So there is that stunt. Secondly the owner chose red for the wall colour and red is known as being the most difficult colour to work with because its loaded with of tints and not solids which means that its mode of application continues to show again and again. One might find themselves carefully cutting in the given wall only to find that the rolled coat of paint wont cover its brush lines. This alone doubles the process and you will have to apply an extra coat of paint just so it all matches. To a normal person red would seem like a cupid stunt because they would end up having to double there efforts to achieve the red they had in mind not to mention buy double the amount of paint. Again; explaining exactly how these Cupid Stunts work is boring and so people often gloss over them and often explain it as having the ‘worst day ever’ or some other expression that we have all heard before. As a professional painter I know all to well how these stunts work because painting is the most frustrating trade there is.
I have been thinking about giving up painting for a while but this job was the last straw. A few days ago I finish coated a wall black and then needed to cover it because a pipe needed to be red. So when I tried to plastic it off I realized the tape wouldn’t stick to the black paint. Painters do this all the time and its part of the job to prime coat something so that it has a good surface for the tape to bind to; rough and uneven surfaces are far more difficult for tape to stick to. The wall wasn’t wet and was dry to touch and was painted the previous day yet two different kinds of tape failed to stick to it. The grass green painters tape failed and the much more sticky fluorescent green tape also failed -and even worse than the grass green tape! Instantly I knew I was in the middle yet another cupid stunt and the joke was one me.