I caught you…

One of the unseen aspects to my recent experiences of harassment by Imagine Entertainment (Arrested Development) which has been so haunting and difficult to forget is regarding a parallel concerning the high level train bridge in my home town. Lethbridge is already known as a suicide hot-spot in western Canada and has come to be known as “Dethbridge” (especially in the Alberta Heavy Metal community) because of it. There aren’t any stats I can include presumably because the city of Lethbridge keeps those “statistics” (deaths) under wraps but one way that the bridge calls out to me in a personal sense is in regard to its dimensions and specifically the ones listed in the commemoration plaque.



The plaque (shown above) lists the dimensions of the bridge as 307 feet high and 1 mile 47 feet across. By dividing the key numbers listed; 307 by 147 we get a very relevant number to my experience. 307÷147=2.088435374… The first three digits are notable because it’s the simple number of my Christian name as well as being the simple gematria of #Paul Richard Polanksi (208/1248/746) which of course is what this site is about. This number feeds back into the same old conspiracy I have been writing myself ‘blue in the face’ about since 2013. The curses associated with this number have actually been conjured from the Bible and are meant to hinge on the apostle Paul/Saul’s conversion to Christianity. This whole situation is part of a patchwork conspiracy going back more than forty years. It’s obvious that my beliefs about the practice of #gematria have been perceived as a threat to certain Kabbalists and since I have no intention of renouncing what I know I have refused to abide by the path laid out for me by Hollywood elites. It would seem that the backup plan was to play on the Gollum’s role in the Lord of the Rings story and harass me to suicide in my home town where a swan dive to un-existence is only a short walk away.

I know this because this was already implied by Imagine Entertainment while living in Vancouver and had already received hints and signs to jump off the Lions gate bridge while living there. Lucky for me during that time period I carefully studied a number of books and was mentally and emotionally fit enough to ignore all the subtle hints in media which seemed to constantly beckon me to ‘walk through the lions gate’. To put it as simply as possible “mind control” works because it plays on existing systems of knowledge and someone who is adept in those systems can easily manipulate the unwary by coercing them to take round-abouts’ over short-cuts or vice versa according to the adepts directives and motive. This is exactly what was done to me and what continues to happen to me even now. Call it “MKUtra”, call “subliminalism” whatever it all amounts to a system of coercion laid out by media.

During my time in Vancouver I acquired an extremely rare 10k gold pentagram ring. I had several experiences wearing it which I would describe as “magical”. The most significant of these experiences occurred on three occasions and because I was already preoccupied with suicide I became convinced the ring was somehow a “horcrux”. The experiences could be described as some sort extra sensory field awareness as well as a time travel/time dilation delusion. My first experience began when someone appeared to recognize me while on the bus and when I nodded at them they turned in fright and seemed to exit in panicked and very hasty fashion. This unusual encounter greatly depressed me and so a few stops later I got off and began walking home. For some reason Vancouver was eerily quiet; there was almost no one out and as I went down Commercial drive and saw several signs that I was somehow not it the correct decade! The date on an old soggy news paper seemed to be what set this off. It was actually kind of scary. I saw a number of people wearing ponchos which read “protest of the century 99”. I didn’t recognize anyone’s clothing and my cell phone had already lost coverage. I was close to having a panic attack. When I got to the end of the Drive’ where lived I began thinking of my keys and resolved that the encounter was just a minor panic attack due to feeling out of place. But the flavor of the memory stands out in my mind as different; the subtle nuances of the situation still feel alien to me as if I was somehow led through a tunnel into a pocket of Vancouver’s history that had already passed.

The second experience was much more powerful and was regarding tree entities. I was walking through trout lake park and ended up exploring the “fields” of trees. Even in such a human environment as an urban park the whole place felt very much alive. I could sense the trees roots beneath my feet and could with great exactitude feel precisely where the trees comfort zone’s were. There was a “resistance” and negative charge surrounding groups of trees as if they didn’t want people walking near them or climbing on them. This wasn’t just with my feet but I could put my hand out into thin air and “feel” the areas where a collective forest field was pushing back on human vibrations. On that night I felt great and went for a jog and ended doing some simple parkour in gas town and at one point I launched myself off a bench and reached to grab the branch of a tree, and instantly I could almost feel it cry out as I grabbed “it”. It was like a very tired and beleaguered female spirit who was on the edge of tears; I couldn’t make out any words or language but it was like she could sense me approach and seemed to repeat something like; No-no-no-NO! After that my reasoning of the situation put a damper on the quality of the experience and I walked home puzzled. The gold ring seemed to have a quality of its own and for some reason I began to associate my problems with it. In all honestly I did become rather obsessed with it and my mind kept drifting back to how the characters in LotR’s behaved around the ring of power. If I misplaced it much like Bilbo in the story I would flip out until I found it, once ransacking my entire apartment only to find it in the shower.

All this happened in a very sad and lonely part of my life and in an effort to move on and break all these negative thoughts ringing in my head I opted to drop the ring off the Lions Gate bridge. My own microscopic version of the LotR’s story line playing out in my head; and so on one lonely and forgettable Saturday I took the bus to Stanley Park walked out over the bridge and dropped it into the water. Being on the bridge in the state of mind was really over whelming and I felt an amazing sense of gravity and pull to jump off into the Georgia strait. It started as a very real feeling of vertigo which turned to a feeling as if I were only hanging from the bridge even though I was standing behind its guard rails. All I had to do was let go and it would all be over in an instant. The water would break my fall and I would be left to squirm out of my suffocating life form into a cold and watery abyss to sleep forever. I have always loved the ocean and I already resolved I wouldn’t leave a note anyhow. I had nothing to say to anyone… except for maybe my brother. I could almost hear the Oceans’ call. My only reason for walking off the bridge and not jumping was because of my Cats. Two tiny Owl-Cats were waiting for me at home. If I jumped they would be left to die in that apartment or worse be “rescued” by muggles. I had to press on they were counting on me.

Even now I still marvel that I actually didn’t jump and I have even woken up from a horrible dream shocked and in awe that I actually lived through that specific situation.

I have already written about the false positive in LotR’s which appears to promote suicide. Believe me when I say I love and revere the book however it is a heavy novel and reading it could be considered as a rite of passage in becoming a proper gentleman. It’s true that it is just a fairy tale however Gollum’s role in the story is an incredibly troublesome stumbling block according to the existential criterion. For anyone familiar with Jewish folklore the similarly spelled “Golem” creature bears an incredibly stubborn association that one can’t help but constantly consider. The Golem described in Jewish folklore is a kind of ‘automaton’ conjured from clay/dirt/earth and brought to life by some sort of spell and one can’t help but recall the creation myth of the first man Adam being shaped from clay and brought to life by the will of G-d. So in consideration to the ending of the LOTR’s where Gollum falls into the fires of Mount Doom one can’t help but consider the connections between the various characters and how its Gollum’s death that brings the story to a close. Adding to this false interpretation is the Rosicrucian concept of the “cross” and how it’s apparently a metaphor for the human body. To a neophyte to the #craft this correlation can appear to promote suicide. That is; “Gollum”/”Golem” represents a disposable and problematic vessel which craves a thing that it does not deserve or actually need in any real way. I don’t know how many people may have killed themselves over LotR’s and it’s not my point to tarnish Tolkien’s good name by pointing this out but it is a very heavy book. Gollum works as a reflection of the worst aspects of the individual; a frightfully pitiful character -which is quite obviously his purpose but if you proceed to hate him at any point in the story then you are stepping into a dangerous trap and setting yourself up for abysmal depression.

As I have already stated LotR’s represents a rite of passage for the aspiring magick practitioner. It’s not for the faint of heart and it’s really only because of my feline familiars and my half-brother Slain (Pelle) that I was able to maintain the rationale to press on. In my mind I knew what His suicide meant and that it represented a marker of territory that had already been covered. Without knowledge of His situation (suicide letter) I might have jumped even while having my Cats. LotR’s is a very symmetrical book and the knowledge it offers always comes at a price. This however is only fair and works to prevents those who may attempt to abuse the knowledge contained within it. In spite of its weight I consider the book a spiritual treasure and in a backwards kind of way I wouldn’t be here without it.

Don’t ever give up.

#Life Eternal