The Key to the Abyss.

On April 8th 1991 my half-brother took his own life by cutting his wrists and throat then shooting his head off with a shotgun. He was 22 years old. This is reputed to be the note that he left:

“Excuse the blood, but I have slit my wrists and neck. It was the intention that I would die in the woods so that it would take a few days before I was possibly found. I belong in the woods and have always done so. No one will understand the reason for this anyway. To give some semblance of an explanation I’m not a human, this is just a dream and soon I will awake. It was too cold and the blood was coagulating all the time, plus my new knife is too dull. If I don’t succeed dying to the knife I will blow all the shit out of my skull. Yet I do not know. I left all my lyrics by “Let the good times roll”—plus the rest of the money. Whoever finds it gets the fucking thing. As a last salutation may I present “Life Eternal”. Do whatever you want with the fucking thing. / Pelle.

I didn’t come up with this now, but seventeen years ago. (1974)

Pelle’s suicide is one of the most shocking and puzzling events in the history of Black Metal and Rock music. To my knowledge no one has ever tried to offer any explanation for his cryptic references in the note which work as a labyrinth of false positives for the unwary. There are some minor online discrepancies and what’s more I have never personally witnessed any original transcript whether online or otherwise. The note above may not even be the exact translation. However the most common note on the internet contains a number of clues which point to things much larger than itself. I am certainly not as smart as he was but despite his claim that: “No one will understand the reason for this anyway.” I do know what it is about; I know because he showed me. With in this article I will explain most of it. This suicide note is actually part of the “biblical apocalypse”. Though I think the explanations I offer may read as a bit of a miracle as there is an element of impossibility regarding his adoption of the title of “death”.


The first thing that one must realize is that Pelle was not a human being just as he claims in the note. He was an Elf. This claim may sound absurd but its true. He would also qualify as an “Angel”. It is true that he had a long list of problems and was evidently not happy living in this world but however the reader chooses to interpret this despite his issues he was an incarnation and this is provable in many ways. One curious aspect of his moniker of “Dead” is that it was bestowed upon him by Sir Isaac Newton through the book Lord of the Rings. This can be verified by examining the #gematria of the name Pelle was given at birth; #Per Yngve Ohlin = 170/1020/1424 which is symmetrical with #Sir Isaac Newton170/1020/1418 which is also symmetrical to the title of the book #Lord Of The Rings = 170/1020/549. So we can see that Pelle experienced some kind of spiritual awakening in reading Lord of the Rings. I personally don’t believe in absolutes and I don’t believe Pelle did either; so this is not to imply that Pelle was an absolute and exact reincarnation of thee Sir Isaac Newton but I do believe he was profoundly affected by this symmetry and was demonstrably the recipient of a great deal of Sir Isaac Newtons thought energy and Pelle likely regarded him as a benefactor or guardian angel of sorts. It goes with out saying that Newton was already an exceptional individual; his writing: The Principia was monumental in creating the ‘Standard model of physics’ and Newton’s intellect is practically unparalleled. Even a science minded person would surely agree that Sir Isaac Newton is humanity’s best candidate for the “Lord of Light” title if there were such a thing and he is also one of the few scientists that was truly legendary in his intellectual exactitude. These two individuals reflect each other in a number of ways and even the Newton family coats of arms is almost a premonitory indications of Pelle’s interest in Black Metal.

Pelle actually had many of these “identities” and did not regard him self as singular individual and most likely regarded himself as a composite spirit. One of his mythical associations is that of the half-elf Eärendil who according to legend was said to carry the ‘morning star’ on his brow. Tolkien wrote a number of poems concerning this mythology. These two are the most frequently cited:

Song of Eärendil

J. R. R. Tolkien

Eärendil was a mariner
that tarried in Arvernien;
he built a boat of timber felled
in Nimbrethil to journey in;
her sails he wove of silver fair,
of silver were her lanterns made,
her prow was fashioned like a swan,
and light upon her banners laid.

In panoply of ancient kings,
in chainéd rings he armoured him;
his shining shield was scored with runes
to ward all wounds and harm from him;
his bow was made of dragon-horn,
his arrows shorn of ebony;
of silver was his habergeon,
his scabbard of chalcedony;
his sword of steel was valiant,
of adamant his helmet tall,
an eagle-plume upon his crest,
upon his breast an emerald.

Beneath the Moon and under star
he wandered far from northern strands,
bewildered on enchanted ways
beyond the days of mortal lands.
From gnashing of the Narrow Ice
where shadow lies on frozen hills,
from nether heats and burning waste
he turned in haste, and roving still
on starless waters far astray
at last he came to Night of Naught,
and passed, and never sight he saw
of shining shore nor light he sought.
The winds of wrath came driving him,
and blindly in the foam he fled
from west to east and errandless,
unheralded he homeward sped.

There flying Elwing came to him,
and flame was in the darkness lit;
more bright than light of diamond
the fire upon her carcanet.
The Silmaril she bound on him
and crowned him with the living light
and dauntless then with burning brow
he turned his prow; and in the night
from Otherworld beyond the Sea
there strong and free a storm arose,
a wind of power in Tarmenel;
by paths that seldom mortal goes
his boat it bore with biting breath
as might of death across the grey
and long forsaken seas distressed;
from east to west he passed away.

Through Evernight he back was borne
on black and roaring waves that ran
o’er leagues unlit and foundered shores
that drowned before the Days began,
until he heard on strands of pearl
where ends the world the music long,
where ever-foaming billows roll
the yellow gold and jewels wan.
He saw the Mountain silent rise
where twilight lies upon the knees
of Valinor, and Eldamar
beheld afar beyond the seas.
A wanderer escaped from night
to haven white he came at last,
to Elvenhome the green and fair
where keen the air, where pale as glass
beneath the Hill of Ilmarin
a-glimmer in a valley sheer
the lamplit towers of Tirion
are mirrored on the Shadowmere.

He tarried there from errantry,
and melodies they taught to him,
and sages old him marvels told,
and harps of gold they brought to him.
They clothed him then in elven-white,
and seven lights before him sent,
as through the Calacirian
to hidden land forlorn he went.
He came unto the timeless halls
where shining fall the countless years,
and endless reigns the Elder King
in Ilmarin on Mountain sheer;
and words unheard were spoken then
of folk and Men and Elven-kin,
beyond the world were visions showed
forbid to those that dwell therein.

A ship then new they built for him
of mithril and of elven-glass
with shining prow; no shaven oar
nor sail she bore on silver mast:
the Silmaril as lantern light
and banner bright with living flame
to gleam thereon by Elbereth
herself was set, who thither came
and wings immortal made for him,
and laid on him undying doom,
to sail the shoreless skies and come
behind the Sun and light of Moon.

From Evereven’s lofty hills
where softly silver fountains fall
his wings him bore, a wandering light,
beyond the mighty Mountain Wall.
From a World’s End there he turned away,
and yearned again to find afar
his home through shadows journeying,
and burning as an island star
on high above the mists he came,
a distant flame before the Sun,
a wonder ere the waking dawn
where grey the Norland waters run.

And over Middle-earth he passed
and heard at last the weeping sore
of women and of elven-maids
in Elder Days, in years of yore.
But on him mighty doom was laid,
till Moon should fade, an orbéd star
to pass, and tarry never more
on Hither Shores where Mortals are;
for ever still a herald on
an errand that should never rest
to bear his shining lamp afar,
the Flammifer of Westernesse.

-Lord of the Rings


The Last Voyage of Eärendel

J.R.R. Tolkien

Eärendel arose where the shadow flows
At Ocean’s silent brim;
Through the mouth of night as a ray of light
Where the shores are sheer and dim
He launched his bark like a silver spark
From the last and lonely sand;
Then on sunlit breath of the day’s fiery death
He sailed from Westerland.

He threaded his path o’er the aftermath
Of the splendour of the Sun,
And wandered far past many a star
In his gleaming galleon.
On the gathering tide of darkness ride
The argosies of the sky,
And spangle the night with their sails of light
As the streaming star goes by.

Unheeding he dips past these twinkling ships,
By his wayward spirit whirled
On an endless quest through the darkling West
O’er the margin of the world;
And he fares in haste o’er the jewelled waste
And the dusk from whence he came
With his heart afire with bright desire
And his face in silver flame.

The Ship of the Moon from the East comes soon
From the Haven of the Sun,
Whose white gates gleam in the coming beam
Of the mighty silver one.
Lo! with bellying clouds as his vessel’s shrouds
He weighs anchor down the dark,
And on shimmering oars leaves the blazing shores
In his argent-timbered bark.

Then Éarendel fled from that Shipman dread
Beyond the dark earth’s pale,
Back under the rim of the Ocean dim,
And behind the world set sail;
And he heard the mirth of the folk of earth
And the falling of their tears,
As the world dropped back in a cloudy wrack
On its journey down the years.

Then he glimmering passed to the starless vast
As an isléd lamp at sea,
And beyond the ken of mortal men
Set his lonely errantry,
Tracking the Sun in his galleon
Through the pathless firmament,
Till his light grew old in abysses cold
And his eager flame was spent.

The Book of Lost Tales 2.


Even apart from Tolkien’s portrayal the Eärendil’s mythology is always associated with the sea and being a “wandering mariner”. In a mythical sense this is likely in regard to a specific kind of meditation which Pelle was incredibly proficient at. The Kemetic/Egyptians called this practice “Going forth by day” which is a way of dreaming ones future and this would also explain the Pharaohs historical reverence of the “solar bark” in Kemetic artifacts and illustrated legend. In addition to this the Kemetic deity “Osiris” is depicted as a green skinned man dressed in mummy wraps who ruled over the afterlife and specifically the land of the dead. Osiris quite obviously embodies he who has conquered death. Given this description in relation to Pelle it is reasonable to state that these two cultural descriptions are merely different ways of describing the same light stream which the pharaohs sought to emulate in the adoption of their totems and mythology. As I already stated these concepts point to things much larger than themselves and once the reader releases themselves from the confines of linear history; it becomes clear that these #currents are the result of the same being who incarnates again and again in different ways and surrounded by different star groups.

Pelle was without a doubt clairvoyant and not only that he possessed a formidable I.Q. Pelle was indeed so intuitive he was practically a Prophet and this is evident in the associations of his moniker of #Dead. Pelle was known in the Norwegian Black Metal scene as “Dead” and the reason for this wasn’t necessarily for the shock value that was trendy in his time, it was actually because of his natural aversion for specific types of technology. As I already stated he considered himself an Elf and this is what he meant when he wrote: “I belong in the woods and have always done so.” Pelle wasn’t necessarily anti-technology but one of the reasons why he adopted such an unusual and grim title of ‘Dead’ was because of his natural hatred for human reliance on digital technology and especially A.I. I am well aware that it can be argued that A.I. did not yet truly exist in his life time however if we examine the #gematria of #Dead = 14/84/14 and its associations then we can see that the 14th element is Silicon which makes this moniker a clue about the fundamental characteristic of silicon based technology and Artificial Intelligence. This is his way of saying that he regarded “artificial intelligence” as being dead. Further the English #gematria of #Dead is 84 and Element 84 is Polonium/Po which is of course his first and last initial of Pelle Ohlin. His means of thinking was far beyond the frequencies of humans and how he was able to manifest this string of coincidences in his names and titles is rather mind bending. Conventional logic falls apart and fails to account for how he was able to choose this name in a time when computers weren’t even really common place but his short life is full of details like this and to reiterate once again; he was not merely a human, he was Elf-kind and the reversible characteristic to these features fit very well with his Lord of the Rings epithet.

It may seem contradictory that an “angelic being” would have been the lead singer in a Black Metal band; a genre which has since been labeled the most “Satanic” in rock’ n’ roll. But its true and its important to realize that the the vast majority of musicians in this genre are merely an alternate type of “Christian” at least that’s how I see it. The Book of Revelation contains an arrangement of symmetry which permits an interpretation that #Jesus and #Lucifer are the same being described by two separate star groups. If we consider Hell to be a prison (as its described to be) then it would follow that the prisoners would both hate and fear the prison warden that keeps them, where as those who live outside the prison would regard the same warden as a good guy merely doing his duty to protect the innocent by imprisoning criminals. Thus is duality and it is prevalent through out the Bible.

This should make it quite clear that Pelle was not truly a nihilistic satanist but was far beyond and above the pervading level of intelligence of his time. His suicide was a sacrifice intended to leave a lasting impression on humanity and steer the “fair folk” away from the idolatry of “Artificial Intelligence”. It was actually an incredibly noble act if you realize that A.I. is merely the work of deceitful human magicians who are actively trying to deceive. This is a veritable fact and the ‘Turing Test’ which is the yard stick against which A.I. is constantly measured openly states that ‘if a human cannot distinguish between the speech patterns of a programmed machine from that of a human then the machine can be regarded as “intelligent”; no where in this definition is the mental capacity of the subject ever defined and further the “test” is based on the human programmer actively trying to deceive the human judge which itself is totally unscientific. The test is founded on bad science and the only thing notable about this paradigm is how it subtly equates deception with untelligence. I admit that computers are capable of some really interesting tricks but they are not “alive”. To meet the criterion of a ‘living being’ it must possess the capability of reversing the second law of thermodynamics. Silicon is incapable of doing so and all the programs which humans design are a mere non living reflection of the mortal (carbon) minds which created them. Artificial Intelligence in the digital sense is and always will be a puppet show.

Pelle has chosen a different future than the common human; one which is less reliant on digital technology and values things like trees, wilderness and nature over the rampant and unsustainable industrialization which “middle earth” ceaselessly perpetuates. Its crucial to remember that even in the most pragmatic descriptions the current era of human development are always teetering on global disaster. The ozone layer is diminishing, the oceans are acidifying, mass extinction is abound and humans are largely unconcerned by any of this. Even the ones that pretend to care about these problems only sit by and talk about them. So what are humans interested in? Technology is the most obvious of their interests but humans are also adamant in preserving their ever-so-precious right to be wrong, right to maintain ignorance, and right to be unrealistic.

~Starless Golightly