Brand yourself… (Don’t… just don’t.)

I was at the library doing some research on the ‘Blackfooted Cat(Felis Nigripes) who are the ancestors of my Shellcat lineage. The Feline is rather small.. and likely cannot roar. Its actually the smallest cat in the world with full grown males weighing only about five pounds. Full grown females weigh just over three pounds. I have always imagined my spirit animal as being a ferocious and formidable rampant lion but it seems I am only a diminutive bush cat that is rarely seen. According to Google they are however quite ferocious for their size and make awful pets, so I have read. I suppose its a good fit for a Totem.


Anyhow there I am minding my own business… reading up on my genealogy and then I ran into this pathetic ponce of a fuck-tard in the pictures below. But before I could even tell him to fuck fence post and die; He starts in with: “You’re being Googled”… I took a deep breathe because I felt a murderous rage boiling up in me, but again, before I could tell him to put his mouth on the curb he rudely cut me off again! “Control what people find… BRAND YOURSELF! Click Here.” I paused… waiting to see if he had anything else to say…  An image of me swingingwtf a carpentry hammer into his Adam’s apple flashed through my mind. Why do people always make me think such awful thoughts? Why is it always me who has to be the bearer of bad news? Why is it always me who has to put the pipe dreams to rest? I used to think that I was the one with the problem… Then I saw the light… and now I know its because people are turds… especially marketing maggots. And so with as much politeness and restraint that I could muster; I was like: ‘I’m gonna say something now? I’m not fucking interested in your stupid shit! … I don’t fucking care about your sales pitch… So Fuck Off or I am gonna have Sharon drag you back to my blog and I’ll impale you on a fucking post!

“Marketing Buddy” blinks… Then out of nowhere he blows up with this unrestrained sarcasm as if I was the one who did something wrong! It was as if years of rejection from his sub-par sales tactics suddenly exploded all at once! He starts yelling and flailing his arms and waiving his stupid little sign around: “Oh look at me! I’m “Mr. Starless”… and I am too cool to talk to a lowly Marketer! Oh look at me with my high horse! I am too fucking good to try a product that might help my complete lack of online social identity! He was spitting and clawing at the air… He then spiraled into an impassioned diatribe which was an obvious projection of his own impotent fury at my lack of interest in his dumb service. I cant even begin to paraphrase because I have no idea what he was talking about. I almost felt bad for him… But such a feeling would be an obvious waste of empathy; Marketers, Social-Media-Gurus, Sales Jockeys are all totally worthless human beings. These are the maggots infesting the carcass of a once great nation… Scratch that. May be “great” is an exaggeration -a passable nation is probably more truthful… But whatever the case “pre-smartfone” humanity was better than these online “ring tactics” that the sales zombies are using. “…Whatever man! He continued; “Do whatever you want but just don’t come crying to us when no one wants to read your lonely and criminally insane BLOG!!!” 


He made the point of screaming “BLOG!!!” at the top of his lung to which I had to chuckle at. He looked like he was doing an Adam Sandler impression. But for some reason his pitiful and spazzing fit had a calming effect on me. Unfortunately I don’t have his name to publish but this is good enough… is an “Online Reputation Managment” service which specifically caters to the especially worthless and vacant turd-puppet. Those who are especially void of any spirit. Like wake up… the internet is a siliconized reflection (Reversal) of humanity… Does that mean anything to anyone? Carbon vs. Silicon… Oh shit Sharon I think I just found the missing link … Fucking morons.

So I had to let Sharon trample this ‘road apple’ of a human being on my “safe space” before impaling him on this post. What a fucking loser. What a pointless brand. Its like: Oh god!; “they” are gonna find out I have an Imagefap account! And then everyone will know how much I love Boobies! Or: Oh Jesus No! “They” might find out about the dirty comments I wrote on that one porn clip I watched! Then everyone will know I’m a perverted chubby chaser! gasp*… Because then I would be really, really embarrassed! In fact I am sooooo worried and concerned about what dirt “they” might dig up on me that I am too petrified to go and delete anything… I am so mortified with the terror of online public humiliation that I am having a panic attack! Yeah… That’s it.

As if I give a flying fuck what anyone digs up on me. These fucking assholes try and make the internet seem as unforgiving as possible when in fact nothing matters. Nothing at all! Lets consider our place in the grand scheme of things: We are living on a seething ball of shit spinning through space that I am praying rips apart at a moments notice. In fact I hope they do map my google history and publicly display all my accounts. I hope this is judgment day! I hope everyone sees the type of person I am and exactly what I wrote. I hope they study it. My online behavior is like an ever changing work of art! My posts are awesome. I’m like the ‘Vlad the Impaler’ of entire internet! I am master of my domain! My google search history is pristine! I am actually almost proud of the porn that I have looked up. Virtually all of my favorite women are either very respectable “freaks” (not my first choice for describing their unique parts) or else mature, hairy or “rubenesque”… All lovely in their own ways… Just look at #Eve (aka “Vicky”) in the pic below… She is definitely my ‘skinny-fat’ favorite. Isn’t she drop-dead fucking gorgeous!? Just look at her little Kissy-lips!unicorn

I run a blog which is fueled with 100% high-octane ego… But; I can readily differentiate my own ass from a ‘hole in the ground’ and I have something called “perspective” which means I understand my place in the universe: I am unemployed and live with my mom. As if I am important enough to “Google”. Anyone googling me has way too much time on their hands and needs to think about finding a hobby (like pushing up daisies or huffing gas). I am boring, nerdy and am prone to cringey outburst and lame jokes. Again: Oh no! Their gonna find out I’m a troll! And if they see my complexion then they will know I am! Oh sweet Jesus anything but that! Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh my! 

When did the internet get so pathetic!? When did the opinions of maggots like #Onision begin to matter? The fruits of this “Anti-Bullying” trend no doubt… Lesson one in the Starless curriculum: Teaching morons that their collective opinion matters; only empowers the humanoid tumors that might otherwise be killed off by the various machinations of their own designs. Like if #Onision wants to be relevant he should photo document a deliberate meth binge playing Everquest! If he survived the stint in the fidgety catacombs of the medieval-methamphetimine-hell then he might at least have something to say… or a topic more relevant than “#Chibi eats poop” or whatever. Why are do we tolerate shit? Yet western culture hoards poop. We foster and celebrate mediocrity. If only the western nations would just legalize suicide we could create a utopia! Everyone seems to have forgotten that the opinions of turds are less than worthless.

Now fuck off!